Traditions and cultures in marriage

As an African, As a very proud nigerian.
I must say the beauty of our country are the cultures and traditions Lol most of them are really annoying and weird But traditions are traditions and we must Not forget our route.
Let me use the state filled with more traditions than I have ever heard or seen all My life.

Edo state
Edo state is one of the most cultured society in Nigeria, I mean like serious traditions for example in Edo If You cheat on your husband, the kids go sick and your husband goes poor and If solution is Not found on time it might lead to loss of life.
Some people don't believe it But it is real, so real.
Most of This traditions don't favor women at all, like the cheating tradition.
An Edo man can cheat and nothing will happen But If the wife cheats #TROUBLE why can't it be for both spouse?
So As a nigerian woman engaged to get married You must/should be close to your inlaws especially If You are getting married to someone from a different ethnic group.
its like a new school and If possible whenever You are with your inlaws take pen and paper. Okay I wanna ask You guys, how many of You(Not Edo) knows that in some parts of Edo state If a mortar(for pounding yam) is turned upside down, it is a taboo for the man of the house to eat food made with that mortar.

Your husband might Not tell You all the traditions probably to Not scare You off or He also don't know.
so You must Not only marry your husband But also marry his family, being close to the family has so many advantage. You might Not be close to all members of the family But at least be close to one or two.

Marriage in Africa does Not end in husband and wife, it also involves the family. When your husband is misbehaving and You feel You have talked to him enough; who do You run to? HIS FAMILY. They are the ones that could talk to him.
The prayer of every nigerian woman is Not just for God to give her a good man But also good inlaws because inlaws matters a lot when it comes to MARRIAGE

Well My poison are
1) always ask questions about the traditions and cultures in This new. place You are about to call your home

2) Be close to your inlaws, Good inlaws are hard just like Good husband and If You find one, be greatful and be close to them

The African mind

When the husband cheats they point to the wife oh she wasn't doing a good job thats why

when the husband beats the wife they point to the wife ,oh she probably annoyed him

Now they forget that charity begins at home. The parents forget that their son is living their legacy, they gave him all the go ahead He needed, they made him feel its the right thing to do.
No no the wife did nothing, his parents/guardian did all the training, the wife has no hand in it.
Am sick of hearing people say its her fault instead of its his fault or their fault when it comes to marriage.
Every individual is responsible for their actions so If there is another person to hold then its the offender himself.

What most ladies are suffering today in their marriage are the fault of our mothers and grand mothers, they let the man batter them and they stayed, their little kids watched mommy and daddy fight or rather watched mommy got beaten by daddy.
They saw daddy flirt with women and even brought home other women and mommy sat n watched,
Oh its a man's world she said.

She has forgotten that You should train up a child in the way He should grow. You can't teach a boy How to steal all his childhood and expect him to grow into an honest man.

women of this generation lets Not make the mistakes our parents made, If He is Not changing and repenting take your kids out, cheating, battering, lying and deceit are hereditary, You can't afford to bring up your child that way.

Who am i married to?

Some people always wonder why dating was fun and marriage has been hell. In fact they don't know who they are married to.

There is only one reason why the person you are married to is Not the person you dated and that reason is PRETENCE
He/she was either pretending or you were too busy falling in love that you never cared about those  bad characters of his/her so you just pretended everything was perfect.
People dont just wake up one morning and change dear. It has either been that way or it has been happening gradually But you didn't notice.

Ive seen couples keep secrets, live double life, constantly lie and pretend.
Why should there be pretence when you are both supposed to walk in agreement and with one mind?. Individually things might be going well But together things can never go well when there is pretence.

Accepted you were both raised differently so you think differently But there is a reason why DATING & COURTING exist 
These are the times you need to know who you are with, become friends and become one.
Marriage is just like dating, only that This time its forever.

The foundation of your marriage is built during the process of dating and whatever foundation you build then is what will stay, whatever character you exhibit then, is what will be accepted all through the marriage and If you were pretending during dating do you think you can pretend all the days of your life?

Most people don't pretend during dating, they show you who they are.
They give the signs that they will cheat, the signs are there that they will beat you, the signs are there that they have fowl tongues, the signs are there that they are lazy But you still choose to pretend and ignore the signs. Now you are married and wondering who the hell am i married to?

People always say marry your best friend But a lot of us ignore this advice.
Your best friend is the one that knows all the crazy stuffs about you.
Your best friend is the one that knows how you love to live your life
Your best friend knows and understand you more than your parents
Your best friend can stand and swear or defend you any day any time because they know What you can and can't do.

Now wouldn't life be easier If the person you are to spend forever with is the best friend?

Some women are scared to talk to their husbands ehnn, mind you there is a difference between fear and respect. When the husband is Not  home they are fun, lively, playful and cheerful But the moment the bell rings and daddy is home she becomes dead silent, all you hear is Yes sir, Yes sir, Yes sir. Are you talking to your father or your husband? No conversation because she is probably scared that she might say something that would upset him. Why would you spend forever with someone you cant be real with?

Some men the moment they get to the gate, they start deleting messages, pictures and etc Not because they are cheating oo probably because they just love chatting and being naughty which is something they would love to do with their wife But their Mrs thinks all those things are nonsense.

There are women whom their spouse beats up on daily basis and the only way they stay happy is by creating an imaginary world where everything is perfect and they have prince charming for a husband. That imaginary world might Not just be on their mind it might be also on social media. They probably have heard this  saying ""you are the product of thoughts" so they need to think positive...  smh face reality, dont pretend its perfect see it as it is. Then ask yourself ""why am i with somebody that i need to pretend with just to be happy?""

For the still single ones, marriage is a beautiful thing, forget all the negativity you have been hearing, fact is all marriage has their ups and downs. Before deciding to settle with someone make sure you leave no stone un turned, ignore no action either when they are angry or happy, be vigilant, even for the pretender once in a while they slip and show their true characters.

:-) :-* stay happy

My husband talks to me without respect

   Some men are fund of flaunting their male ego on their wife, reasons could be as follows

1) He is the only source of income in the home - some men will always respect their wife  whether she brings food to the table or Not, actually they can even ask their wife to stay home and take care of the kids because that is a full time job. While other men will see her as a lazy woman. He goes to work everyday, he has seen top working class married women that can even bring/win contracts for their husband's But his own wife sits at home all day and do nothing because to this kind of men taking care of the home is as easy as ABC

2) He was raised in a home where his father always disrespect his mother - charity begins at home right? The first school of a child is his home and the first teachers are his parents. I dont need to stretch the explanation because i always talk about how parents should live an exemplary lifestyle. Train up a child in the way He should grow and when He grows he will Not depart from it.

3) He thinks she is of less importance - Where & how some men get their orientation about being husbands always baffle me. Hahahaha they think being a husband is finally an opportunity to boss someone around like their parents has been doing to them all over the years or like their boss does everyday at the office lmao . some could be getting the ideas from their friends, your thinking, "My husband was so kind and respectful in the earlier stage and suddenly He has changed What happened?", well like the saying goes "evil communication corrupts Good manners"

             HUSBANDS

Being the head of a family is about being a leader Not a ruler, You lead in the right part and your wife will follow its Not an opportunity to flex your muscle or male hormones. Now i want You to listen to me and delete all those orientation from your memory that has caused your wife pain for so long.
Being the head of the family is a serious and very important job
It's about protecting your family, You need to be a security officer now You have a family and You  probably should learn some karate because you will need to do a little butt kicking here and there..

Being the head of the family is Not just about bringing the money its also about being physically, emotionally and spiritually present and active, your family needs to know You care, You might think they know already But they dont. 
Your wife is just as important as You are in the family, she is the home maker and without her efforts there probably wouldn't be a home so cherish her

     WIVES
You are thinking how do i get this man to start respecting and valuing me well stop thinking and start acting.
People treat You the way You allow them to treat You, they treat You the way You treat yourself. What is your reaction when He disrespects you, do you sit and cry? Do You yell at him to stop? Well If You do any of these then You should stop and follow this steps because it has worked for several people.

1) figure the reason for his actions

2) Decide What You want to do and things You want to change in your personal life

3) Make a list of What You want to change in that marriage.

4) write everything down so You dont forget any detail.

5) Select a Good day/time to have a conversation with him. It might be on a weekend He wont go to work or on a weekday evening when He is back from work, had his dinner and taken his shower

6) Get a grip on your emotions "today You wont cry or get angry, You are going to sit and have a conversation like a matured adult" If You cannot control yourself and act matured then you cant possibly expect someone to take You seriously.

7) remember dont get angry remain calm. When You are both sitted tell him how You love him and want the best for your home, then calmly say how You feel, let it all out, everything You have written pour it all out.
When You are talking He should quietly listen and when He is talking also listen quietly so there wont be tantrums everywhere, when everyone is talking - no one is talking.

Have a great day

women MARRIAGE is Not the ultimate

This marriage subject has been a controversial one over the years, unmarried women has been taunted and its Not like the married ones are all happy, its like a taboo when a woman is unmarried, i mean some parents and people around us has literally brought us and groomed us only for marriage nothing else

over the years women have been taught to dream little because If they dream too big, they might Not see a man to get married But my reply to that is WHO CARES?? am going to dream as big as i can and work my butts off to achieve those dreams and whatever low self esteemed man that cant deal with it should take a long walk

over the years parents have stopped their female children from going to higher institution because at the end of the day they will end in a man's house so education is useless for the female child.
and here is my reply to that, when a male child starts his own family, He concentrates on his wife and kids, the parents becomes a minor issue But when a girl child gets married she never stops taking care of her parents Now If she is uneducated and has no job while married to an alcoholic, are you expecting her to take care of her parents still ??

one of the best country in the world (England) is led by a woman.. women are naturally caring, they are very protective of their own and the earlier everyone realise that our caring and protective nature should be used on a bigger platform the better for us.. Our talents and voices is Not meant to be heard only on small scales, dont let people kill your dreams, turn deaf ears to the voice of critics, you matter just as much as any man out there..

;-)

page 2 of the revenge

   i woke up in the middle of the night on this faithful day and found my clothes soaked with blood, hmmm yet another miscarriage. i couldnt be more upset and i could see the frustration in my husbands face when he screamed oh damn not again, but he still manage to suck it up and take me to the hospital, where they flushed out the remains, this really brought the worst side of me. i was so sick of the situation that i didnt let my husband touch me for a month, afterall what was the need of having sex, get pregnant and have another miscarriage. john was still the sweet loving man ive always known he tried to get me understand that all happens for the best, he tried to inspire me but i wasnt buying any of it even my work couldnt get me stop brooding, my husband would get me gifts n shower me with love, i wondered what sort of man is this? what sort of love was this, i drew closer and closer to GOD everyday, my situaion might disconnect me from people but it never disconnected me from GOD, i wanted to have a baby boy for my husband cos i know an igbo man without a son or an heir as they would say is nothing and a woman who hasnt given her husband a son is not yet setled in her home, i was always down, brooding and thinking. when my husband came back from work one day he came bak drunk, it was very unusual because i know my husband neither drinks nor smoke but he was smelling of ciggerates. i was suprised, upset and worried i tried getting some answers from him but it was useless because he was so intoxicated and couldnt even say reasonable things, so i managed to get him off his clothes, it then dawned on me that i am pushing my husband away with my new attitude, i loved my husband so much and wouldnt want to lose him just because of a miscarriage, so i made sure things went normal again. the plaza he was building for me was done by now and i started renting it out i also occupied one of the shops where i started selling provisions but i didnt save money, my husband always warns me to be saving and i wish i could but family problems kept coming, it would be one story to the other from my siblings even those that were in lagos always come bothering me and i couldnt say no, i decided to be giving the rents to my husband to be keeping thisway am sure it wont be spent, this family wahala kept going on i felt like i was the family bank and even my step mother that was in aba wen she heard about my husband she came asking him for money without my knowledge, she told him that she wanted to relocate to port harcourt and would want him to give her money to rent a room bacha in that place my parents were living and my husband gave him, i dont often agree with my step mother so it got me furious that she would go on such mission without even asking me, i complained to my father who asked me to forgive her. 
  on our daughters 4 year birthday on the november 13th we had a big party to celebrate it and i also had some goodnews of mine, i was pregnant again and this time i knew in my heart that it had come to stay, as my pregnancy was growing i noticed my husband always travels to the village he doesnt always tell me his extended family isssues, but this time i was determined to know so he informed me that he was building a house in the village and wanted to suprise me with it, i wasnt comfortable with this plan because i always get a bad vibe whenever i go to his village. it then hit me the dream i had some days ago about how i, my husband and precious were travelling and our vehicle got attacked by masquerades with machette i and precious escaped but john couldnt, i told this dream to him and he got scared because he knew my dreams always becomes reality, i asked him to fast with me so we can pray to GOD together as a family, during this seven day fast i would go to the church and pray, my little sister chisom 13 years came to visit me so she would take care of precious when she came back. on the 5th day of my fast as i got back home that evening i saw a crowd, people crying and some people telling me sorry, i didnt know what was happening but when i got into my house i saw my brother inlaws wives trying on my husband shoes and clothes while their wives were trying on my clothes some were even taking my daughters clothes it was mayhem, my 3box of wrappers were already not in the house anymore,i was shocked at what was going on and then i started yelling at them demanding an answer and when they saw me they started crying then one of his brother told me that my husband was dead. what?? dead? how? i think my world just shattered, i am finished i cried. oh my GOD why me, what am i going to do with myself now, JESUS why did u forsake me words cant properly do justice to how i felt, its over for me was all that kept running through my mind

will you still be with your spouse If there were no kids?

most people get married just because they want to raise their own children especially here in Nigeria
Nigerian men are religious about children especially the male child and it gets me wondering and asking questions like what If there were to be some medical problems and your partner cant conceive or impregnate you, would you still be together?

children are important in marriages no doubt But it shouldnt be the main reason for marriage, some people finds out they are pregnant and ends up marrying the wrong person just because there is a baby in the middle

love is and should be the foundation of every marriage Not babies.
The children will grow up and leave and you and your spouse will be together alone, you need to be sure you are with someone you love and can tolerate their excesses.. we dont plan for evil to happen But What If you lose your children will the marriage still exist?

If you are single and about to go into marriage you should consider this and answer honestly to yourself . IF WE CANT HAVE KIDS OF OUR OWN ARE WE STILL GOING TO BE TOGETHER??

keep the fire burning

When was the last time you had a date night with your spouse? when was the last time you bought him/her flowers? a little romantic gestures can show your partner you still care and can keep a smile on their face for the whole day. Dont let the relationship get boring. so i was with a female friend today she is married but is now madly attracted to the electrician near them, she says he has great abs and recently started getting her gifts, she knows it is wrong but she loves it and she cant help how she feels. Then i asked her when was the last time she and her husband had some romantic alone time? She said it was in the first 2 years of her marriage that her husband bearly even stays home now and she no longer cares of fixing up the marriage all she wants now is out!!! There is no advise she can get from anywhere that can change her mind. YES the marriage has gotten that bad but i advised that before she walks out she should tell her husband how she feels and try to make it work at least for some exttra months, i asked her to write down all her feelings in a letter and give to her husband, she might want to leave believing the electrician might be the best way out but i have a belief that if the grass looks greener on the other side instead of jumping over how about watering your own plants to make it look better... Dont let your marriage get this bad always keep the charms and romance on and show your partner you care and truly appreciate them.

a new year and a new start for your love life

happy new year in advance to all my beautiful readersas we are stepping into the new year what are you plans for your relationship/marriage
yes just like every other job marriages and relationship needs commitment and hard work because they are full time jobs. 2013 might had brought up so many hurts and damages to your marriage or relationship and i know you are still hurting but you must not carry those grudges over to 2014, you need to talk it out with your partner, you need to express your feelings and get your new years resolution for your home. what habits has to stop and what habits do you need to see more often. sit with your partner and if possible you both should write down your feelings about each other. be open minded about it, accept critism and make changes where necessary. Remember   HOLD NOTHING BACK..
where is the relationship leading to, altar or heart break? what do you want out of this marriage forever or just for the fun of it? TALK IT ALL OUT dont carry it over

How to keep your man home

GET YOUR WORK DONE
Plan your tasks with
an eye on the clock.
Finish or interrupt
the man hour before he
is expected. Your
anguished cry, "Are
you home already?" is
not exactly a warm
welcome.
HAVED INNER READY
Plan ahead,even the
night before to have a
delicious meal, on
time. This is a way of
letting him know that
you have been thinking
about him and are
concerned about his
needs. Most men are
hungry when they come
home and the prospects
of a good meal are
part of the warm
welcome needed.
PREPARE YOURSELF
Take 15minutes to
rest so you will be
refreshed when he
arrives.This will
also make you happy to
see him instead of too
tired to care. Turn
off the worry and be
glad to be alive and
grateful for the man
who is going to walk
in. While you are
resting you can be
thinking about your
Fascinating Womanhood
assignment and all you
can do to make him
happy and give his
spirits a lift. When
you arise,take care
of your appearance.
Touch up your makeup,
put a ribbon in your
hair and be fresh
looking. He has just
been with a lot of
work-weary people. Be
a little gay and a
little more
interesting. His
boring day may need a
lift.
CLEARAWAY THE CLUTTER
Makeone last trip
through the main part
ofthe house just
before your husband
arrives, gathering up
school books, toys,
paper, etc.in a
bucket or waste basket
and put them in the
back bedroom for
sorting later. Then
run a dust cloth over
the tables. Your
husband will feel he
has reached a haven of
restand order and it
will give you a lift
too. Having the house
in order is an other
way of letting him
know that you care and
have planned for this
homecoming.
PREPARE THE CHILDREN
Take just a few
minutes to wash the
children's hands and
faces (iftheyare
small) comb their
hair, and if necessary
change their clothes.
They are little
treasure sand he would
like to see them look
the part.
MINIMIZE ALL NOISE
Especially give heed
to this if your
husband has to join
rush hour traffic. At
the time of his
arrival eliminate
noise of washer,
dryer, dishwasher or
vacuum. Try to
encourage the children
to be quiet at the
time of their father's
arrival. Let them be a
little noisy
before hand to get it
out of their system.
BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM
Greet him with a warm
smile and act glad to
see him.Tell him that
it is good to have him
home. This may make
his day worth while. If
there is any romance
left in you, he needs
it now.
SOMEDON'TS
Don't greet him
with problems
and complaints.
Solve the
problems you can
before he gets
home and save
those you must
discuss with him
until later in
the evening.
Also, don't
complain if he
is late for
dinner. Count
this as a minor
problem when
compared with
what he might
have gone
through that
day.
Don't allow the
children to rush
at him with
problems or
requests. Allow
them to briefly
greet their
father but save
demands for
later.
MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE
Have him lean back
into a comfortable
chair or suggest he
lie down in the
bedroom. Have a cool
or warm drink ready
for him.Arrange his
pillow and offer to
massage his neck and
shoulders and take off
his shoes. Don't
insist on this
however.Turn on music
if it is one of his
pleasures. Speak in a
soft, soothing,
pleasant voice. Allow
him to relax to
unwind.
LISTEN TO HIM
You may have a dozen
things to tell him,
but the moment of his
arrival is not the
time.Let him talk
first,then he will be
a more responsive
listener later.
MAKE THE EVENING HIS
Never complain if he
does not take you out
to dinner or to other
places of
entertainment.
Instead, try to
understand his world
of strain and
pressure,his need to
be home and to relax.
If he is crossor
irritable, neverfight
back. Again,try to
understand his world
of strain.
THE GOAL
Try to make your home
aplace of peace and
order where your
husband can renew
himself in body and
spirit.The nadd to
this the application
of all the principles
of Fascinating
Womanhood and your
husband will want to
come home.He will
rather be with you
than with anyone else
in the world and will
spend whatever time he
can possibly spare
with you.Try living
all of the serules for
his home coming and see
what happens.This is
the way to bring a man
home to your side,not
by pressure,
persuasion or moral
obligation.
( Helen B. Andelin's Fascinating
Womanhood, published by Pacific Press in
1965)

Third parties in marriages

It amazes me that some people let others rule their home for some it could be their mother and others their father or any other family member they look up to. i know you love them right but you are married Now, face your family and let them face theirs
  

He is cheating you pick up the phone "hello mom i just found out He is cheating"
  she cooks bad, you pick up the phone "hey mom am on my way to the house my wife is a horrible cook"
i mean every single little issue of the family you pick up the phone and run to mommy or daddy. grow up its called a family and in primary school we were taught that a family is made up of
a father
a mother
and the children
The rest are called extended family.
let the family issue remain in the family. i know its very important to go to elders in times of troubles But let there be a limit, before you can involve a third party in your marriage be sure you both have tried sorting it out to no avail.

third parties are bad for the home

 

Never beg a cheat to stay

I will never understand why people whom are cheated on ends up begging the cheat to stay or stop the other affair bla bla

have some dignity my friend, no matter what you think IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOU ARE CHEATED ON. That decision to cheat and betray that relationship/marriage was a personal decision it was out of their own will.
They knew you would be hurt If you found out but they still cheated anyway.

Have some pride my dear, If you beg and this cheat stays then the cheating will never stop because you have giving him/her all the power and in their eyes you have lost all respect.

You need to set your standard Now, what you can tolerate and what you cant tolerate, no matter how much in love you are, they need to earn your trust that is If you are willing to take em back. You are too special and If your partner cant see that then they need to use the door. You cant keep getting hurt in the name of love.

own up to your faults

cheating is a choice, when you are caught do
yourself a favour and dont play the blame game,
even If your partner was at fault somehow its still
Not a Good enough reason to cheat you should
had talked it out, the time you use in spending
with the person you are cheating with should had
been used cementing your marriage or
relationship .. I know its going to hurt your
partner knowing the whole truth But you just have
to say the whole truth to avoid future damage and
prolonged recovery in your relationship.

Why men cheat

TOP REASONS MEN CHEAT

It will shock you to know that sex isn’t one of them

NOT BEING APPRECIATED

some women can destroy a mans self esteem ehnn, always comparing him to Mr Eric that just bought Mrs Eric a car, you make him feel like He is never doing enough, then He goes to the office and finds Caroline that praises him wow you are so hardworking, How do you do it? 

NAGGING

hehehehe This one will just keep him permanent in Caroline's house, men are really emotional. Yes they are, the only thing is that men are really good in hiding their feelings, they pile it up and try to be strong about it but when he comes home to relax after a stressful day at work you start yelling, you cant shut up and ignore somethings your mouth runs faster than a tap. 

DISORGANIZATION

He got attracted to you and fell in love with you for a reason, What happened to that woman He fell in love with? Yes i mean the sexy one that always puts on sexy shorts and makes her hair, always neat, her nails are spotless Now What He is seeing is a woman who looks like a wolf long nails, tattered hair always has wrapper wrapped around her chest please my dear support that breast, bra is not expensive Caroline is always on top of her game

STUBBORNESS

He talks one you and you had already dropped ten, He says sit down and you say shut up “i say shut up because u married me is that why you think you can boss me around what a man can do a woman can do better” You never listen to him. Hahahaha say goodbye to your husband in case you dont know caro is single, desperate and can even kneel down just to tell him welcome. 

LACK OF ATTENTION

i know you are busy with the kids i know you are busy with the kids but men needs attention even more than women , they are like big babies. When He comes back from work do you sit and talk about his day? What do you even know about his job? did u notice the shirt He wore to the office today? did you tell him He looks Good? Ummm caro is always ready, “sup honey damn u look smashing today How was your night?.. 

PS: all This grammar are nonsense If u have a chronic womanizer for a husband

holy or happy?

1Corinthians 7:2 i quote "since sexual
immorality is occurring each man should have sex
with his wife and each woman with her husband" it
has different translation though But this is the
translation i understood it as "what If MARRIAGE
was meant to make us holy than happy, read that
chapter carefully, and consider this what If God
saw beyond Adams happiness, when you are
married you learn to share, sacrifice, it makes you
less selfish and greedy, you must learn to forgive,
it keeps you away from sexual immorality, what If
MARRIAGE was just part of God's plans to make us
like Christ?? I believe marital problems are just a test of faith that is why i always advice people MARRIAGE is Not a place to rush in
just because you want kids or the society feels
your old enough or your friends and siblings are tying the knot  #its_serious_business..

A home and a country

Husband love and protect your wives just like Christ loves the church that He sacrificed his life for it, wife be submissive unto your husband for He is the head.

This is where most MARRIAGE problems start, The man wants to always take control Not withstanding his wife's feelings because He feels___ that is how it should be, He pushes her around. Even Christ demonstrated that as  the head you should also serve, He washed his disciples feet didnt He?

When you come unto her too strong and always wanting to win at every argument just remember that a bad leader is only going to cause rebellion in the society..

I tell people that a home and a country have a lot in common, THe husband is the president and his orders goes But Now when the president makes bad decision and dont care about what his citizens say what happens?? They begin to riot & rebel because they cant stand the injustice.

This is how MARRIAGE is, it is hard to find a woman that can submit to the leadership of a violent and selfish man who gives her no regard

You show her love, care for her, protect her and make her feel safe with you Now what normal woman wont want to submit to the authority of a Good man??

Forgiveness

Its very hard to let go and forgive after being hurt by someone you love, you are trying But each time you try the image of that incident flash in your mind. Its extremely  hard But here are 2 things that might help

1) Understand that we are all humans, we mess up, being hurt is expected i mean nobody is perfect. No matter how bad you feel you can never change what happened and holding grudge holds you back from God's blessings  Let go of the grudge so God will let go off your blessings.

2) whenever the image of that hurt comes to your mind, distract yourself , do something else, get busy.

#life is beautiful so be happy