Being happy in your relationship

for you to make someone happy you have to be happy. when your man is sad or angry its left to you to make the atmosphere light and happy. the happiness of your relationship should begin with you. after that you then look into the personality of your man . what he likes. what he doesnt like. who he really is. you can make him smile before you even know what is wrong.  before talking him out of that gloom. now this is for a particular situation. in general you have to communicate with your man. let him know how you feel and what you feel. let him know your plans. let him now how your day will be.  he will do same when he sees you doing it. dont be scared or shy to ask him questions. let him talk. listen to him. only when verbal communication is on the way thats when understanding sets in and when you can communicate through a touch or a smile or a lift of the eyebrow. all these little naunces really makes you comfortable and happy. knwing when not to nag . nagging drives a man from his home and from a relationship. instead of talking and talking and more talk.. just let him know that you dont like something and keep quiet. silence is more potent and speaks volumes and makes a man change his ways a little. learning to be expressive. kiss your man at anytime. anyplace. touch him. hug him.  that will make him know that you adore him. and he will worship the ground you walk. a good food is a way to a mans heart. when your man is happy with the food served on his table. he will be happy.  learn to be expressive during love making.. be active.. dont just lie down like a piece of log. learn his body. touch him and pleasure his the way he does to you. dont make lovemaking look like a chore or a duty. your man will be reluctant to leave home and be eager to come back home. be prayerful. always put your liofe and relationship to the god you serve. let happiness the the order of the day in your life and home and relationship.

My husband lives abroad

Please hide my identity, and no
insults please. am married by the
grace of God with two(2) children.
my husband business was not
moving well, things became difficult
for us, so he decided to move his
business to one of the african
coutries. we both agreed for him to
travel; then i was pregnant for the
second baby. since he left, one
problem to another. he has become
a visitor to his children, he wil come
to nigeria ones in 4years. no money
to feed. when i ask for money, he
will say things are difficult. when i
cry, he would send 10,000 thousand
naria. i begged him for us to be with
him over there, he gave two reasons,
that 1: the place is very corrupt and
children will not take education
serious and 2: no money. one
problem or the other from his
family. so I decided to do something
to feed the children. i couldnt get a
job with my certificate, so a friend
helped me by giving me some of her
products to sell and make money in
the market place. with prayers and
hard work, i was able to move from
one step to another, from grass to
grace. 13yrs of marriage without a
man, I can proudly say my account
is loaded. God helped me and i
have my own beauty palour and
kiddies shop. the children were
happy and comfortable. they are in
boarding school now. he came back
3yrs ago and promised me he will
not stay more than two to 3months
again, to come stay with us 1month
and go back. we settled and he went
back to his base. its 3yrs now and
he has not come back. but he send
school fees for one while i pay the
other, because i made it so. I called
him in december last year, told him
my mind, that am human and I
need a man by my side, the
temptation is too much. that if I
dont see him by December, I will
tell my family to return the bride
price. he did not come and no
reason. January, he called that
Easter will be better for him to
come, and that he is coming back to
Nigeria finally. Now, my problem is I
met a man who we became good
friends (you understand). he is
divorced with 4children. I really
want the friendship to continue, but
am confused now, to continue
managing with my abroad husband
or divorce him to be with a man
with 4kids. please help me, what do
I do. thanks and God bless.

He is cheating

I don't know what to do or say I Jus can't help it, I can't forgive My husband for cheating and lying to me, I try to let go But I just can't.

We have been married for 5 years and for 4 of those years He has been lying and cheating. I feel the cheating is even better than lying because even If you catch him red handed in his lies He will always lie to cover it, I have hated him, I can't get to love him again, I really want out of this marriage.

Some months back I asked him to give me money for a cream $10 He told me He had no money, He never has money for me, He leaves me for 2 weeks in the name of work yet He is always broke.

Some weeks back I found out He had over 20 thousand dollars in his account and uses a phone of $2000 which I didn't know about, He hides it all from me and the phone is for chatting and flirting.
I have asked him several times If He had another phone yet He has denied severally. I even saw the phone sometime ago in his car and He said a friend must have forgotten it.

How I found out all this things was when He was arrested on his way back from the club with his girlfriend and friends on a day He was supposedly to be out of town. infact lets Not talk about his friends because they are assholes. They come to My house, eat My food, praise me yet they know their friend is cheating sometimes I wish I poisoned their food.
So as I was saying when they were arrested one of the girls with them had a gun so the case was serious and He was asked to call his family hmmm and that was How all got exposed. Am sure there is more He is hiding But I don't want to know, I don't care If He is changed But He doesn't deserve me and am going for divorce. He is telling me He is repented and that He loves me But I can't forgive the lies or rather I can't forget them, when I see his face all I see is the face of a liar, I can't let it go If you can help me please do because the hatred am feeling for him is transferring to other men.

Me: this is the story of a girl that calls me her mentor, am speechless and shocked at the rate people lie and deceive the ones they claim they love, as you can see in this story it took just one day for all his lies to be exposed and that is How life is: they say everyday for the thief and one day for the owner of the house. Nothing can be hidden under the sun straighten your part My friend.
The best advice I can give to anyone in her position is leave before the hatred get worst and leads you to do something you will regret.

Life is too short to hang around people that cause you pain and disrespects you.
If He has changed Good But I strongly believe you need separation to find yourself again because I know the emotional trauma you are going through. Trust me I've been there.

Leave, rebuild yourself, renew your mind, you can't continue to live with anger, anger births pain and hate, life is beautiful and so are you.
you deserve the best

My husband talks to me without respect

   Some men are fund of flaunting their male ego on their wife, reasons could be as follows

1) He is the only source of income in the home - some men will always respect their wife  whether she brings food to the table or Not, actually they can even ask their wife to stay home and take care of the kids because that is a full time job. While other men will see her as a lazy woman. He goes to work everyday, he has seen top working class married women that can even bring/win contracts for their husband's But his own wife sits at home all day and do nothing because to this kind of men taking care of the home is as easy as ABC

2) He was raised in a home where his father always disrespect his mother - charity begins at home right? The first school of a child is his home and the first teachers are his parents. I dont need to stretch the explanation because i always talk about how parents should live an exemplary lifestyle. Train up a child in the way He should grow and when He grows he will Not depart from it.

3) He thinks she is of less importance - Where & how some men get their orientation about being husbands always baffle me. Hahahaha they think being a husband is finally an opportunity to boss someone around like their parents has been doing to them all over the years or like their boss does everyday at the office lmao . some could be getting the ideas from their friends, your thinking, "My husband was so kind and respectful in the earlier stage and suddenly He has changed What happened?", well like the saying goes "evil communication corrupts Good manners"

             HUSBANDS

Being the head of a family is about being a leader Not a ruler, You lead in the right part and your wife will follow its Not an opportunity to flex your muscle or male hormones. Now i want You to listen to me and delete all those orientation from your memory that has caused your wife pain for so long.
Being the head of the family is a serious and very important job
It's about protecting your family, You need to be a security officer now You have a family and You  probably should learn some karate because you will need to do a little butt kicking here and there..

Being the head of the family is Not just about bringing the money its also about being physically, emotionally and spiritually present and active, your family needs to know You care, You might think they know already But they dont. 
Your wife is just as important as You are in the family, she is the home maker and without her efforts there probably wouldn't be a home so cherish her

     WIVES
You are thinking how do i get this man to start respecting and valuing me well stop thinking and start acting.
People treat You the way You allow them to treat You, they treat You the way You treat yourself. What is your reaction when He disrespects you, do you sit and cry? Do You yell at him to stop? Well If You do any of these then You should stop and follow this steps because it has worked for several people.

1) figure the reason for his actions

2) Decide What You want to do and things You want to change in your personal life

3) Make a list of What You want to change in that marriage.

4) write everything down so You dont forget any detail.

5) Select a Good day/time to have a conversation with him. It might be on a weekend He wont go to work or on a weekday evening when He is back from work, had his dinner and taken his shower

6) Get a grip on your emotions "today You wont cry or get angry, You are going to sit and have a conversation like a matured adult" If You cannot control yourself and act matured then you cant possibly expect someone to take You seriously.

7) remember dont get angry remain calm. When You are both sitted tell him how You love him and want the best for your home, then calmly say how You feel, let it all out, everything You have written pour it all out.
When You are talking He should quietly listen and when He is talking also listen quietly so there wont be tantrums everywhere, when everyone is talking - no one is talking.

Have a great day

Why blame the mistress??

  okay some women are fond of blaming the mistress for the affair instead of directing all the blames to the one that kept playing with the emotion of 2 women.

Most of this mistress dont even have feelings for the husbands all they are concerned about is the money and fun they are having in the relationship
They never walked up to your husband, understand that He did that on his own, He told them intimate things, He booked the hotel rooms, He was the one doing the spending. Accepted she could had said no But who told you she didnt? Do you know how many times He kept pressuring her? Do you kNow the last time she had a man care for her like that?
I know being cheated on hurts especially when you know He did  things He had never done for you to her
Am Not supporting the mistress in any way But If there is anyone that needs to be slapped around then its the man in the middle, He is the one that betrayed you and your marital vows, He could had talked to you If He wasn't feeling okay with the way things were going in the home But no He didn't
Its Not her fault If anything then its you and your husbands fault. It takes 2 to make and break a relationship so If you want to work on your home then work on it, dont waste energy on things that dont matter.

If He is just a boyfriend no need to get angry at the other woman or get into a fight with her, what you both need is to spank him together, He made the same promises to her As He made to you, He probably forwarded the same romantic love messages to her too. She was deceived just like you were, she is hurting just like you are. If there is a problem that need fixing then its the man in the middle